Shopping for Vegetables and Jelly
by Cadaverous Apples
Summary: Ginny takes Draco shopping, and of course any combination of vegetables and lubricant are going to end up quite...delightful. Drabble. DG. Very smutty and mature.


Disclaimer: Nothing Harry Potter-related belongs to me, but full credit to this fic should go to XKCD. See A/N for more details. The prompt was mine.

Shopping

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**Guidelines or Requirements: **Draco/Ginny, of course, and must include a misused piece of fruit or vegetable. Will most likely be humorous, but I'd like to see how someone could make such a prompt believably angsty.

**Length: **ABOUT 300-900 words. (You guys are awful.)

**Rating: **Any.

**Deadline:** Sunday, August 30th. Midnight forum time.

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In retrospect, maybe it wasn't the brightest of ideas to take Draco shopping.

_"Now, which one would you like to try first, Ginevra? The carrot, the cucumber, or the zucchini? Or maybe we should begin with a banana?"_

She had needed some cooking ingredients, and he had eventually decided to come along to pick up a few "necessary" supplies. She hadn't realized his intentions had been anything but innocent until he had rejoined her in the produce section.

_"Can't decide? How about we start with the carrot first. Start small, and work our way up, shall we?"_

It had been with growing dread that she watched him stare at the rows of vegetables, looking contemplative. He had then glanced down at the small tube clutched in his left hand, and the dangerous smirk that had spread across his face gave Ginny delicious shivers.

_"Interesting form, is it not? Its tapered shape must stretch you quite strangely. And that slightly curled end; I can tell from your moans and breathy giggles that it must be tickling you, isn't it?"_

She had demanded to know what had been in the tube, but she didn't find out until they had made it back to their flat. K-Y Jelly. They had an assortment of homemade lubricants, but apparently the Muggle brand had intrigued Draco and he had picked up a tube to test it out on Ginny.

_"What, love? Keep going? I'm sorry, but the carrot is looking a bit...wet. As are other parts of you, but rest assured, the next one if one the way. No, it won't do you any good to try to get free. Just sit there like a good girl while I get this cucumber ready for you..."_

The funny looks she had received from the cashier as he rang up their items were by far one of the better parts of the entire shopping trip. The poor boy had turned a scarlet rivalling Ron's when he had even looked at the tube of lubricant. A single look down the rest of the belt to reveal individually wrapped carrots, cucumbers, zucchinis, and bananas had caused him to close his eyes and take a few breaths, nearly close to passing out with embarrassment.

_"It's cold, isn't it? I just pulled it out of the refrigerator to keep it in prime condition. It's cute how I can track the goosebumps up your thighs by jumping from freckle bunch to freckle bunch."_

Ginny had been slightly concerned that he might just faint away, and was even more concerned that she might join him. Draco, the bastard, had somehow vanished when it was time to ring up and pay for their items. She didn't mind overly much since she had nicked his wallet when he had leaned down to engage in a not-so-innocent public display of affection in front of a gaggle of old women, but still, the principle of it still mattered. He had left her all alone to deal with the humiliation of such purchases herself.

_"You really should see this, Ginevra. Here, lean up a bit. Isn't the contrast between your lovely flushing skin and the green cucumber just beautiful? It's like Christmas came early for you."_

Marching outside of the store, she had found him loitering by a lamppost, looking for the entire world as if he wasn't waiting for anyone. It was purely natural coordination how he fell into step beside her as she walked past him, despite the fact that he had been facing the other way. They were silent on the way back, Ginny's purchases weighing heavily in her arms and the tube seeming to burn like fire in her pants pocket.

_"And now on to the zucchini...Salazar, you really must be enjoying these vegetables..."_

She hadn't even had time to put away the rest of the groceries.

_"Fuck the zucchini. We're jumping straight to the biggest one."_

She did have time to whisper his name before he tied her up.

_"Oh, it feels like you're bloody on fire..."_

Ginny decided she quite liked vegetables. Misused or not.

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A/N: I really tried a bit of experimenting with the writing style on this one, and found it to be quite fun, actually. What do you guys think? It wasn't confusing or anything, was it?

The XKCD comic I completely stole this idea from is http: // xkcd . com / 236/ Really hilarious, and I definitely recommend you read it.

In other news, the fic exchange through the DG Forum has now begun posting. My fic is out there amongst them, so you should go read them, and review and attempt to tell which one is mine! I can't outright tell you which one it is, but you will probably be able to tell if you're familiar with me and my writing style. :P

They can be found here: http: // www . fanfiction . net / u / 1841209 / The_DG_Forum (without the spaces, of course)

Not beta'd by Melissa again, because it's too short to bother. But helped out a bit by Kim, if only because she talked at me while I was writing it. ;)

Thanks!

Roma


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